One Less Thing to Worry About

(This is a one-act play that my friend Liz and I wrote together last spring - enjoy!)

One Less Thing to Worry About

By Liz Wing and Christie Flemming
Directed by Lauren Checo and Fatima Sowe

Ela = Ela Dugan, Alfred = Jimmy Andretta, David = Steve Naidu, Jackie = Alison Salewski

SCENE ONE
(David and Ela are walking in between classes, David is telling a story)
David: … So then she just like attacked this bush, as if she were Don Quixote or something!
(they double over laughing together, their body language shows that they are very close friends)
Ela: So what happened this weekend? I’m really bummed I missed that Theta party.
David: Oh I don’t know, I didn’t end up going…
Ela: Really? Well what did you do then?
David: I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this until now… but, uh, there’s this girl in my Chemistry class I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and I finally asked her to dinner on Saturday.
Ela: (a little taken aback) Wow. So who is this girl?
David: (clearly excited) Well her name is Sylvia… She’s a PCON major – she’s only taking Chem to meet distribution requirements. She’s’ really different than me, but she’s so interesting! She was in the musical last semester, remember?
Ela: Ohhh did she play Dorothy?
David: No… actually… she was one of the flying monkeys.  You know, the first one to attack Dorothy?  (genuine) She was INCREDIBLE in that role. She really brought depth to the character. (sighs)
Ela: (with sarcasm that David evidently cannot detect) Oh… Yeah she stole the show…
David: (in his reverie) Mmm that she did.
Ela: Ahem. Sooo… your date?
David: (snapping out of it) Oh right. It was REALLY good. We went to that new place downtown and we ended up staying there for hours just talking, about literally everything. There weren’t even any awkward moments, like that time when I ordered the peanut butter cup ice cream for my date while she was in the bathroom and she, uh, broke out in hives…
Ela: Yeahhh that was a little more than awkward. She had to go to the hospital…
David: I didn’t know Ela! Jesus, I’m never gonna live that down.
Ela: (teasing him) Nope.
David: Aaaanyways. That didn’t happen this time.
Ela: I’m glad. (casually bringing up the subject) So was there any time for, ya know, some more… hands-on activities amidst all of this riveting conversation?
David: (smiling slyly, but a little uncomfortable) Hah, you could say that… We did go back to my room after…
Ela: (grossed out) Ugh. Never mind, I don’t actually want to hear this.
David: Yeah, sorry. But we had a good time.
Ela: I’m sure you did.
(awkward pause)
David: Actually I think I’m gonna ask her out again.
Ela: (surprised) Whoa, really? A second date? This IS serious.
David: Yeah I think it could really turn in to something.
Ela: (not 100% believable, but still genuine) Well I’m happy for you.
David: (smiles) Thanks.
-BLACK OUT-

SCENE TWO
(Ela is walking by herself, looking a little lonely/distracted. Alfred calls to her from offstage)
Alfred: (offstage, short, abrupt, very loud outburst) ELA!
(Ela jumps, pauses, looks around, doesn’t see anyone, and then continues walking)
Alfred: (runs onstage waving arms frantically, yelling her name like “STELLA!”) EEEEELLLLLLAAAAA!!
Ela: Holy crap Alfred, you almost gave me a heart attack!
Alfred: (concerned) A heart attack, really? Do you have high cholesterol? That’s genetic you know.
Ela: Uhh no.
Alfred: Have you asked your parents? Because if you haven’t asked your parents then it might be something to worry about it.
Ela: (slightly annoyed) Alfred, I do NOT have high cholesterol. And besides, I don’t need anything else to worry about right now.
Alfred: Worrying increases your stress level, which can lead to high blood pressure. Maybe that’s why you’re having heart trouble.
Ela: Will you get off the heart condition? My heart is FINE. (pensive face, reconsidering the statement)
Alfred: Alright alright. Just looking out for you. So what ARE you worrying about?
Ela: It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.
Alfred: Wait wait wait, so now I’M worrying about YOU worrying.  I think we both need to relax.  What do you say we go for a walk together?
Ela: I’m on my way to Existentialism class Alfred, and it’s not exactly relaxing.
Alfred: Wow, things are seeming pretty bleak for you right now. But hey, look on the bright side, it’s not raining. That would suck, because you don’t seem to have brought your umbrella… (the connection dawns on him, he points to Ela each time he says her name, making a pathetic attempt at hip hop dance moves) ELA ELA AY AY AY! (continuing with the conversation as if he didn’t just break out into a Rihanna song) I always carry one with me, just in case. (pulls out a mini umbrella out of his back pocket and opens it abruptly, almost hitting her in the face) You can hold on to this for a while.
Ela: (skeptical) But we just established that it’s not raining so I don’t need an umbrella…
Alfred: ELA ELA AY AY AY! (same idea as last time) Ahem. Well, keep it just in case. (genuine, sweet) So you have one less thing to worry about.
Ela: (touched) Thanks Alfred. I should get to class, see you later.
Alfred: Bye! … (after walking a few steps away) ELA! (she pauses and turns around) DON’T FORGET TO ASK YOUR DAD ABOUT YOUR MEDICAL HISTORY! (she smiles and rolls her eyes at him)
-BLACK OUT-

SCENE THREE
(Jackie and David are in Jackie’s apartment, catching up after a few days of not seeing each other)
Jackie: (in a very “older sister” manner) So how’s freshmen year treatin’ ya, lil bro?
David: Pretty good, Chemistry’s a bitch though.
Jackie: I still say you should’ve followed in my footsteps and majored in philosophy.
David: (sarcastically) Yeah, and then after college I can sit around and philosophize! That’ll bring in the big bucks.
Jackie: (retaliating in a playful way) So will failing Chem class. How’s Ela, by the way?  I miss having her around to help me give you a hard time.
David: (rolling his eyes) I think you’re both pretty adept at that on your own.  But yeah, she’s good.
Jackie: (surprised at the lack of information) Just good? You usually have some ridiculous story about one of your exploits together… No vandalism? No high-speed chases? No hour-long trips to McDonald’s at 2am?
David: (he hasn’t really thought about it, not too concerned) Ha, I guess not. I’ve been pretty busy, with, ya know, classes and… stuff. (emphasis on “stuff”)
Jackie: Uh oh. Sounds like a girrrrrl. What’s her name?
David: (defensively) I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Jackie: (once again, in “older sister” mode) Shut up, stop being a little twerp.
David: (inaudibly) Sylvia.
Jackie: (teasing him) What was that? I didn’t quite hear you…
David: Sylvia, okay?!
Jackie: Sylvia Mitchells?! She was the BEST flying monkey in that play.
David: (excited that someone agrees with him) I know right!
Jackie: So an actress, eh? How long is this one gonna last?
David: (indignantly) Hey, I know I’m not really known for being Mr. Commitment but –
Jackie: (interrupting him) HA! That’s an understatement. I sure do love hearing stories from my friends about seeing you out with three different girls in one weekend…
David: (defensively, a little embarrassed) That was ONE weekend. And I’m not a complete failure at relationships. Remember Andrea Gordon?
Jackie: (shutting him down immediately) That was in seventh grade. And you broke up with her in a note folded into a paper airplane.
David: (conceding) Not my proudest moment. But this time is different… (shyly) I actually think I’m starting to fall for her.
Jackie: (shocked, also teasing him) Whoa whoa, my baby brother is falling in LOVE?
David: I didn’t say LOVE, we’ve only been on three actual dates.  But I mean, I could see it happening someday…
Jackie: (serious now) Wow. Well that’s great. How does Ela feel about this whole thing?
David: (confused as to why this is relevant) Umm, I don’t know… When I told her about Sylvia she said she was happy for me…
Jackie: (holding secret doubts) Hm, that’s good. Well I’m gonna have to kick you out now so I can actually get some work done. Don’t forget to send Mom a birthday card.
David: Will do. See ya.
-BLACK OUT-

SCENE FOUR
(David and Ela are eating lunch together, for the first time in a while, awkward small talk prevails)
Both: So… (awkward laughter)
David: How’ve you been?
Ela: Good… My philosophy professor nominated me for an internship in the city…
David: (happy for her) Wow, that’s great!
Ela: Yeah… Um, how’re you? It’s been a long time. (a little sad/jealous)
David: (rambling, trying to fill the silence) I’m really great, actually. This semester has just been flying by, and I’m passing Chem with a B-, and… yeah, I’m just really great…
Ela: (suddenly, with zero tact) How’s Sylvia?
David: She’s good. She’s great.
Ela: Good. Great.
David: (sensing the tension now) Uh, yeah.
Ela: So, you guys are really serious, huh?
David: Yeah, uh, I guess so… it’s been about a month now I think…
Ela: (testy) It’s been two.
David: Yeah… (apologetically) I really haven’t seen you in a while, huh?
Ela: (not accepting the implied apology) Well, I’ve been busy too… Sometimes people just don’t have as much time for each other anymore.  Everyone has their priorities.
David: (hurt) Yeah I guess… Well I should get to class. (still attempting to reconcile things) Let’s do this more often okay? I really miss you.
Ela: (lacking emotion, not giving in) Yeah. See ya.

SCENE FIVE
(Ela is working in the library, Alfred notices her from across the room and yells to her)
Alfred: (in an Italian accent) ELA BELLA!
Voices offstage: Shh!
Ela: (looking up, embarrassed) Hey Alfred.
Alfred: (coming over to her and sitting down, talking very fast) How’s your cholesterol? How’s your heart? Have you used that umbrella yet? How’s your existentialism? Are you still worrying?
Ela: (mixture of annoyance ad amusement) Alfred. We are in the library.
Alfred: (oblivious) Yeah I know. I’ve never been in here before. Except one time when I was drunk.
Voices offstage: Shh!
Ela: Then what are you doing here now?
Alfred: I dunno, I just wandered in. I was curious. I hear they have this crazy robot that sorts books or some shit here.
Ela: (trying to get rid of him) Yeah. That’s not on this floor. If you want to see that, you should go to the third floor…
Alfred: (he’s still yelling/talking too loudly throughout this entire scene) Nah, I’ll just sit with you instead.
Voices offstage: SHH!
Ela: (sarcastically) Fantastic.
Alfred: So are you?
Ela: (confused) Am I what? Fantastic?
Alfred: Are you still worrying?
Ela: Oh. Umm I don’t really want to talk about it.
Alfred: I’m real easy to talk to. Try me.
Ela: (hesitating) Weeeell… I guess. So you know my best friend David right?
Alfred: Sure, he’s my bro. (no he’s not.)
Ela: Right. Well he started seeing this girl Sylvia…
Alfred: FLYING MONKEY #1?!
Voice offstage: SHUTUP!
Ela: (annoyed that everyone seems to be impressed by the flying monkey role) Yeah, that’s her. Anyways, ever since they’ve gotten serious, he never seems to have time for me anymore.  And I get that he wants to see her a lot because he really likes her and all, but I thought I was important to him too.
Alfred: Well that makes sense. It’s natural to feel replaced when someone important to you starts a new relationship.
Ela: Yeah… (thinking)
(Jackie walks by and notices Ela)
Jackie: Ela!
Ela: Jackie! (they hug)
Jackie: How are you?! It’s been way too long!
Ela: I’m doing okay… How are you?
Jackie: Just enjoying senior year, taking it easy, ya know.  I was thinking we should get together sometime soon. (jokingly) That loser brother of mine can tag along too if he wants.
Alfred: (sudden realization) Ohhh you’re DAAAAVID’S sister.
Jackie: Yeah, embarrassingly enough. He has that much of a reputation huh?
Alfred: Eh, not really, but we were just talking about h-
Ela: (interrupting) SO JACKIE, when do you wanna hang out?
Jackie: Oh you can just stop by the apartment whenever. How’s Saturday?
Ela: Sure, see ya then!
Jackie: Later. (she exits)
Alfred: (talking inappropriately loudly) Well I gotta bounce, Ela bella, this place is BOOORING!
Voice offstage: SHUT THE FUCK UP GINGER!
Alfred: (oblivious) Who was that guy talking to? Huh. (exits, singing Rihanna’s “Umbrella”)
(Ela sighs, shakes her head, and goes back to her work)
-BLACK OUT-

SCENE SIX
(Jackie, David, and Ela are hanging out in Allison’s apartment, awkward tension between Ela and David)
Jackie: (holding a pile of DVD’s) So here are the choices: My Best Friend’s Wedding, P.S. I Love You, When Harry Met Sally, My Best Friend’s Girl…
David: What’s with all the chick flicks, can’t we just watch 300 or something?
Jackie: It’s two against one, David. You’re outnumbered. Ela, what do you say? Should we make him suffer?
Ela: (tries to laugh, but doesn’t succeed) Um, actually I’m not really in the mood for a chick flick. David can choose.
David: (triumphant) THIS IS SPARTA!
Jackie: (eyeing Ela curiously) Well, I guess we’re watching 300… Man, Ela, I was counting on you!
Ela: Sorry, girl. Maybe next time.
Jackie: Anyone want popcorn?
David: I could go for some popcorn. How about you, Ela?
Ela: Sure.
Jackie: Alright, I’ll be back in a few! (she exits)
(David goes to sit on the couch, Ela walks over, but doesn’t sit)
Ela: (hesitantly) David…
David: (looks up, Ela looks away) What’s up?
Ela: David, I don’t know how –
(David’s cell phone rings – text message – he takes out the phone and starts texting)
David: Sorry, just a minute…
Ela: (starting to get angry) Who is that?
David: (distracted) Oh, uh..
Ela: (rising anger) Is it Sylvia?
David: (absent-mindedly, but looks up now) Yeah…
Ela: (explosion) What’s so special about her?
David: (bewildered, taken aback) What – what are you talking about? I mean, there’s a lot of things that I think are special about her…
Ela: (not holding back at all any more) What’s the matter with me?
David: (very confused) What do you mean? What are you talking about?
Ela: You don’t care about me anymore.
David: What?! Of course I do!
Ela: (insistent) No, you care about Sylvia.
David: I care about BOTH of you. Ela, we’ve been best friends since kindergarten, for God’s sake.
Ela: (doesn’t know what’s going to happen next) It’s - it’s different now. She made things different. (moves closer)
David: (moves to comfort her, he gets that she’s been upset but he doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong, a little exasperated) Ela, I don’t know what you mean. I want to make things okay, but… I don’t know what you want…
Ela: (quietly) I don’t know either.
(they move in closer, Ela hesitates for a moment, then KISSES HIM! they pull away, both confused, David is shocked and Ela doesn’t know what to think, Jackie walks back in with a bag of popcorn)
Jackie: Popcorn’s ready! Who’s ready for some frivolous violence and CGI-enhanced abs?!
(stunned silence)
David:  I have to go. (rushes out)
(Jackie looks after David, then to Ela)
Jackie: Uh, wha- ?
Ela: I-I’m sorry. (leaves quickly)
(Jackie watches her leave, bewildered, then sits down on the couch and shrugs)
Jackie: Oh well, I guess I’ll just fast forward to the sex scene…

SCENE SEVEN
(stage divided in two, Jackie/David on stage left, Ela/Alfred on stage right, simultaneous conversations, altering back and forth)
(Alfred is in his room, Ela knocks on the door, Alfred goes to open it and is surprised to see her)
Alfred: Ela-phant! (notices she is upset, concerned) What’s wrong?
Ela: Alfred, I’m so confused. (they sit down at a table across from each other)
Alfred: Confused? Confused about what? Is this about the cholesterol thing? ‘Cause I was just kidding you know…
Ela: (confused) What? No no… It’s about David.
Alfred: Ohhh.
Ela: (starts to explain) I- (lights switch to stage left)
David: She kissed me!
Jackie: She what?!
David: Yeah… I never realized… I mean, I’ve never thought of her…
Jackie: Do you think she…
David: I don’t know… I know I don’t….
Alfred: So, what happened after that?
Ela: Nothing.
Alfred: Nothing?
Ela: Nothing... He just left.
Alfred: How… What did it feel like?
Ela: Uhh…
Alfred: (quickly, worried he overstepped) Is that too personal?
Ela: No, it’s just… I’m not sure. It wasn’t what I expected. I don’t know what that means.
Alfred: I think I do.
Ela: What? How would you know?
Alfred: (smiles) I think I know you better than you realize.
Jackie: Have you talked to her since?
David: No. I mean, it was just yesterday… I don’t know if I should tell Sylvia.
Jackie: (sisterly advice) Well, if it really doesn’t mean anything to you or change how you feel about her, it’s probably better not to mention it.
David: You’re probably right. But what do I do about Ela?
Jackie: Well, you’re gonna have to talk to her sooner or later. And I have a feeling this will sort itself out.
David: I hope so…
Ela: I think I might have misinterpreted my feelings for him.
Alfred: Mmhmm…
Ela: But – I was –am – SO jealous. Shouldn’t that mean I have feelings for him?
Alfred: No, not necessarily. I mean, just because your dad starts paying more attention to your mom than you, that doesn’t mean you wanna get with him.
Ela: (“what an incredibly awkward thing to say”) Um, yeah I guess…
Alfred: (the point) It just means that you miss your best friend and you’re upset that he doesn’t seem to care about you as much as he used to because he spends so much time with another girl.
Ela: You really think that’s all there is to it?
Alfred: (cute, reassuring) Yep. Pretty simple, Ela bella.
Ela: That makes so much sense. Ya know, you’re a lot more sensitive than you let on.
Alfred: There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me… For instance, when I was three years old I convinced myself that I was a fish and spent 6 hours a day in the bath tub.
Ela: Oh Alfred…
(They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, he slides his hand across the table to rest upon hers, she realizes what’s happening and is a little startled)
Ela: Well I should go… Thanks for everything. Really.
Alfred: (slightly disappointed) Happy to be of service.
(She exits slowly, hesitating as if she’s about to say something but doesn’t)

SCENE EIGHT
(David and Ela walk towards each other from opposite sides of the stage at the same time, meet in the middle facing each other silently, pause.)
Ela: Hi.
David: Hey.
Both: (start to talk at the same time, stop abruptly) I-
(Ela gestures to David to talk first)
David: I’m sorry Ela. I got caught up. You’ll always be important to me. I took for granted that you’ll always be there.
Ela: I know, I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to complicate things, I was just confused.
David: So can we skip all the awkwardness and go back to being best friends again?
Ela: (smiles) I’d like that.
(they hug, it starts to rain, Ela looks up and holds out her hand, David covers his head with his jacket)
David: Crap!
Ela: (takes out her umbrella and looks at it with a smile, she opens it up and says to herself) One less thing to worry about... (pause, then to David) I have to take care of something… I’ll see you around.
(David nods and she walks offstage)
-BLACK OUT-